WARNING: highly personal post, so if you're only spectating for the daily dose of wit, come back tomorrow
Does anyone else remember this band? They were really popular back when 106.7 in Slidell was still the Zephr and they played awesome music. Before the times of jLo came and monopolized the radio scene. Anyway, there was this line from one of their songs that keeps going through my head:
'What have I done with my life? Is this the end, when two worlds collide?'
We're gonna do this the organized way, because I just can't handle it any other.
1. My little brother started college this week at LaTech. This is the same place where me and the DP used to go to summer camp when we were thirteen. And that's just unacceptable.
2. I received yet another email about my 10 year class reunion. Going to little brother's graduation from the same school this past May was enough of deja vu for me, and I don't know if I have the emotional fortitude to face all of those people. Maybe 10 years isn't long enough. Maybe we should shoot for 15 or 20. When the rest of the photos have gotten lost in the next move. Do we ever reach a point where we no longer care what happened 10 years ago?
3. Rode the train from Lucerne to Basel with the DP. Here we are, 15 years later, two married women drinking tea and kabitzing on the train, still getting looked at funny from the passersby. How many times has this moment happened in time before? Three hours was not long enough, and I miss my friend so much. Fie upon the lawyers that she could not come to Stuttgart this weekend.
4. Just saw a new picture up of my cousin studying in Germany. She is, of course, gorgeous, and so full of energy for what is new in her life. And I see in her face all of the fire that I used to see in my Oma, who has unfortunately checked out and may not return. And I don't know what happens to people when they are still physically here but mentally somewhere else. I am afraid to find out, but I must go see her when I go home. So many answers about me are within her. Wehe mir.
5. I have an audition in 20 minutes for Helmut Rilling. And I feel, truly, that this being here in Germany has helped me come to terms with who I am and what it is that I do. And just knowing that somewhere, perhaps not in the US, there is a world in which I am perfectly suited to what I do and the people with whom I speak, not fully comprehending everything they say, knowing that my grammar is not perfect, I feel that this is a good place for me. And if the fates are kind, maybe they will bring me back here sooner rather than later, with husband and dog in tow.
It will be good to be back in the US, where the money is not as festively colored, but tonight I'm going to sit down at the wine festival and drink some good local Riesling and enjoy the last of my time here in Germany. Time to go put on the singer face.
