holiday cheer

I sang yesterday in aria class, gave my paper presentation, emailed the final draft in, and went out for a beer with the other DMA candidates. By the time we left the bar it was 4:30pm and I headed downtown to do some browsing before the McDonalds' christmas party (my voice teacher, having nothing to do with fries). I love cities at Christmas time. Everything is lit and there are people bustling around and, in my case, you sometimes get to hear a brass band playing carols outside of Macy's. Very festive.

Our friend Jason from IU came to town last night, bearing two huge suitcases for the rest of his trip back home and all of the gossip we don't get this far out east. We ate some pie and drank lovely lattes (care of our new fabulous espresso maker, big hearts to Stacey and Drew) and talked about the wedding. Everything is in place now. All that remains is for me to pick up the dress and clean the house in preparation for the en masse arrival of family.

The only thing more I could wish for would be that audition season had not directly precluded my wedding. I feel really shallow running to the mailbox to look for my acceptance and rejection letters from summer programs, and then taking my requisite day of sulking, when there is so much to be happy about: we are both in good health, the weather so far has been relatively kind, we're paying for our own wedding and not going broke doing it, our parents are able to come, our best friends are able to come, I survived my first semester at NEC, Frank's job treats him really well, and we live in a city named the 'safest mid-sized city in America' so we can walk the dog at night and feel safe. So why is it so hard to suppress the urge to change my major back to musicology, drop out of the opera program, and stop beating my head against the opera monster, in the midst of all these wonderful things in my life?

Frank says I take rejection too personally, but how can you not when you walk into an audition and the first thing they look for is whether or not you fit into their idea of a character, before you even open your mouth. 'Am I too tall? Do they hate my dress? My legs look good in this dress, am I showing too much leg? Maybe I should have worn the pantsuit. I should have gone on a diet last month, their costumes are all probably a size 8. Why aren't they looking at me? Why is that one looking at my shoes? I like these shoes, they match my dress. Maybe he hates my dress. Why are these judges always gay men who dress better than I do?' And even if what comes out of your mouth is brilliant, if you're taller than the tenor they want to cast, you go to the circular file. The one with the plastic liner.
It's not like I can switch instruments and decide to be something else. "Today, I think I will be a mezzo." No, it just doesn't work that way. You can't get vocal cord transplants, at least I don't think you can.

There was an article in 'Classical Singer' this month about whether or not you're geared up for a career in singing. One of the questions was 'do you value stability in your life?' And of course, the answer was, 'if you do, then a career in singing is not for you.' And maybe I'm just overanalyzing (probably am, actually) but yesterday was one of those days where nothing, not even the lights downtown, not even the brass band or the carol singing around the piano at the McDonalds', could make me feel like anything more than a sham, an academic masquerading as a performer.

That said, I have to get cleaned up to go sing the carol services at Trinity. Maybe that will shake me out of the funk.

radio free hindrichs

I'm at page eighteen of my paper. I have to have between 20 and 25 pages, without bibliography, coverpage, or works cited list. To keep myself sane, I've been listening to programs on BBC Radio online.

I love the BBC. On no other radio station can you listen to a recorded broadcast of an English choral evensong, a service of lessons and carols, and some crazy program about Handel talking about how people had an objection to hearing scripture in a theatre because of the 'kinds of people' that work in theatres. Isn't that hilarious?

So now that I've wasted enough time, it's back to the grind. Are we sure no one wants to finish this thing for me?

Ceremony of whatnot

I'm writing my final paper for my musicology seminar on Benjamin Britten's 'Ceremony of Carols.' As I got absolutely nothing done last week during the opera things have now kicked into high gear and I am attempting to average a few pages a day so I can finish this paper up and be ready to present it by Friday. The other yahoos in my seminar complained last Tuesday when I asked if I could go this Friday instead of this Tuesday (tomorrow) due to my being locked up in the theatre for eleven hours a day until the opera was over (yesterday). My favorite part of this conversation was when the organist said, "well I have a concert this week too" and I said "yes, that's all good and fine but are you going to be sequestered in a theatre for the next six days with three petticoats, a wig, and two overskirts, are you required to sing, act and not fall off a nine foot raked platform at the same time you're floating a high C-sharp? no? then can I please do my presentation next Friday because that's all I'm going to be doing this week." And unfortunately, I'm the only singer in this seminar and they all look at me like my entire occupation consists of draping myself on a chaise lounge and singing 'O mio babbino caro' for fun. Singing isn't hard. And it doesn't require things like work, practice, knowledge of acting and languages and stagecraft and makeup and wigs and the ability to do all of those things at once without looking like it's hard. Whatever. Exit soapbox.

In other news, the opera did go marvelously well and as soon as the production photos are out, I will be posting documentation of the aforementioned pink and peach nightmare that was my costume. I confess, by the third run, I had developed a strange affinity for the swishing sound my skirts made, but I don't know how women lived this way. Sitting down it virtually out of the question, let alone playing volleyball or doing yoga or anything really other than perching on the edge of a chair and knitting quietly. Hiccups are a trial in a corset and that is all I will say about that. The pictures will speak for themselves, just you wait.

We also got six inches of snow which was really beautiful. The urge to sing 'White Christmas' is ever present. I was downtown yesterday walking through Restoration Hardware (guilty pleasure) and humming along with the Christmas carols. Something about cities in the snow, I can't explain it. Maybe it's the 'When Harry Met Sally' vibe I get. *sigh*
Love to you and yours, back to the paper!