The show opens tonight. I think I've finally figured out exactly where I want my eyeliner to go, exactly how much blue to mix into my base to look scary and bloodless, and how much material I have to shove under my headpiece to make it stand up like it should without shadowing the top half of my face. The conductor is a super nice guy and he refers to me as the "island of calm" because I always know exactly what I want in the tempo and even though there are four men operating ropes and running rail cues while I'm singing, somehow my face conceals the nervousness in the pit of my stomach. Why am I nervous, you might ask?
Because I have to fly. They hoist my costumed ass up in the air inside a giant hand and, amid thunder and lightning, fly me out onstage so I can sing these two great arias. Now I don't know how it looks from the audience, but it feels pretty fast to me. Maybe it's because I have to remind myself not to lock my knees so my body will absorb the small tremors from the mechanism. Maybe it's because they almost flew me into a large set piece in the shape of the moon the other night. Maybe it's because I'd rather be knitting.
I'm not afraid of heights. Not an issue. I'm not afraid of singing in front of people, most of the time. Audition season excepted, I feel pretty comfortable getting up and hollering in front of total strangers, especially if there's a whole stage and some set pieces and lights and an orchestra between me and them. What am I afraid of? Sucking. I'm afraid that one of those sweet men will get an itch and let go of the rope just a little bit and that the contraption will shake and I will lose track of my breath and the F won't come out. I'm afraid that my enormous collar will bump into the moon on my way up or down. I'm afraid that the rail guys will be a little overenthusiastic and I'll end up so high I'm in darkness.
It's just a little nervousness. And it actually has nothing to do with singing. So all I can do is rest up today, eat a good meal, drink some more throat coat tea, and trust.
Spread my wings boys, it's time to fly.
