Thursday, February 12, 2009

A trip to the library

I don't have an inner nerd.  I have an outer nerd that is frequently cloaked in costumes and outfits that make me look like an opera singer instead of a musicologist.  Well Monday was "come as you are," and Ayla and I got on the train at 7:38am to Saxmundham, en route to Aldeburgh and the Britten-Pears Library.  One train, one very confused bus driver, and a little tromp through the mud later, we arrived at the Red House on Golf Lane, also known as the home of Benjamin Britten and Peter Pears.  Nerd heaven.

Three hours, three boxes of archival scores (annotated in Colin Graham and Britten's handwriting), and a stack of uncatalogued photographs later, the archivist suggested that we break for lunch.  And here's where the real festivity began.  Ayla and I traipsed into Aldeburgh to get something hot to drink - the rain was coming down sideways! - and ended up at this local pub.  When she sends me the photos I'll be sure to put this one up, because the bar was housed in what I can only assume was some kind of general store.  You know, with the painted windows advertising their wares?  And they sold, in the order in which they appeared on the window: "fancy goods, sponges, photographic, toilets."  Wow.
The inside of the pub was nearly as festive as the outside.  Being the only two patrons in there, we were served by the barman and a guy named Barry, who referred to himself as "the local drunk getting drunk as a skunk."  He kept patting us on the shoulder and asking if everything was okay.  Um, we just ordered a pot of tea, dude.  And it's fine.  Barry would stagger back and forth, and the dog on the floor would grouse a little and come over and sniff my umbrella and then grouse back to the bar.  Then, Barry and George decided to come over and talk to the foreigners with their pot of tea, and we got to go through the fun "where are you from?" conversation.  Now Ayla is an expert at dealing with strangers, she is so smooth you wouldn't even know she's trying to escape.  I'm not so smooth, so I let her do the talking.  We finish our tea and fantastic lunch and hike back up toward the library, via the parish church yard where Britten and Pears (and Imogen Holst) are buried.  It's a little surreal to walk through this town and the church yard and the high street and think to myself, "This is where Britten spent a large part of his life.  This is where the two of them would walk down and get groceries."  It's a tremendously special thing to stand where those before you have stood.  So we hiked back up to the library, I finished my photocopying and had a marvelous conversation with another librarian, who just happened to be a Poulenc scholar and she just happened to have written a huge chapter on Mamelles, and in that chapter she went to the library in Paris that housed the original program from the Paris premiere, and she basically saved my ass from trying to figure out if I was nuts, or if scholars had failed to figure out if Mamelles premiered with Boheme or a ballet.  Whew.  Then, the curator showed us all around the library and opened up Red House for a little private guided tour.  It's closed until June, so it was very quiet, just the sound of the rain and our bootie-covered feet (to protect the floors and rugs) shuffling through the house where Britten and Pears lived.  The chairs where they sat.  The desk where Britten composed, his spectacles and manuscript paper still lying on the desk.  The photos and artwork.  My favorite photo was in the windowsill by the windowseat overlooking the garden.  It was a picture of Britten sitting in the windowseat, the tapestries unchanged, the light a little dim, just as it was when I was standing there.  The photo of Peter Pears with one of the dogs on his lap, having a fantastic laugh.  Since Pears was also an art collector, Ayla got to see a lot of modern art and talk with the curator about the building and the preservation/restoration efforts.  A totally worthwhile use of our time, and completely worth getting the early train there.  When we finally caught the bus back to Saxmundham just after 6pm, soaking from the rain and freezing our tails off, I could only feel happy and satisfied.  Not only had I put my hands on the primary source material from which my dissertation has sprung, but I got to touch things that the public has never seen, that scholars have never seen.  I got to leaf through scores and see photos and walk through Britten's living room and study, and run my hands over Peter Pears' piano.  As Ayla was saying to me, the English have a very good sense of place when it comes to history - this is something that America is working on, but it's hard to convince people that a house not lived in is worth preserving when space is at a premium.  Here, history is just sitting there, waiting to be seen.  Churches, cathedrals, even in the tiny streets of London that are so inconvenient for driving, it's just waiting.  What a treasure.

So we got back to Saxmundham, had pub dinner in front of a fire, and got back on the train to London at 7:32pm.  Spent the night at Ayla's, drinking tea and warming up from our journey and recovering from an extremely long day.  I spent the morning working on my dissertation edits and sent what I hope will be the final draft to my advisers.  I answered every question, integrated every section, checked my sources and citations, and even managed to find a great quote for the front page.  I think it's done.  Please let them think it's done too.  

It's just before 11am, so I've got to get dressed and out of here in the next hour and a half.  I'm meeting my old adviser from Exeter.  From one musicologist to another.  Nerd lunch :)

Pictures to follow! 

Sunday, February 08, 2009

Why I love my job, part 2

My dear friend Tobi came all the way from Stuttgart with his girlfriend Babsi to see me sing this weekend.  They arrived super late on Thursday night, we spent most of Friday sight-seeing and shopping (my first successful trip yet - I found true adult love with a handbag) and then I spent Saturday indoors recovering for the performance while they trotted all over London.  I left the house early so I could go in and pick up my beautiful bag, bringing my Midsummer score with me - no sense in buying a professional bag if it doesn't fit the needs of your professional materials, then into the theatre.  I've got the sniffles but I'm feeling unusually optimistic.  Everyone is so tired from having done the matinee, but there's something wonderful about a double-dipper day.  The initial nerves are mostly gone, even though our 2nd cast Pamina is on for a double-dip as well, the staff has all gone out and grabbed a quick bite to eat, and the theatre is still buzzing with people coming and going.  Eddy comes and gets the face on, puts on Her Highness (the wig), and since I'm drinking tea like a fiend, Jessie lets me make one last trip to the loo before the massive skirts go on.  The makeup and wardrobe people are taking pictures for their archive, so we get to pose in the hallway and lark about being silly.  I'm called for the first aria, George the birdman hands me the missus, who proceeds to get squirmy AGAIN and now I've just accepted that this will be part of our routine.  Squirmy bird makes for a good aria.  Fine.  The first aria did go really really well, if I do say so myself, and then I did some work on Midsummer until the interval when Jessie was kind enough to release me from the skirts (more tea, more loo, is this TMI or what?) and then before I know it, they're calling me for the second aria.  Feeling good, feeling in control, a little tickle in the throat during the last b-flat, I'm sure that didn't sound exactly the way I wanted it to, but on the whole, quite good, storm offstage and what do I see?

Rob, my Tamino, standing there with a tray of McDonalds - big Mac, fries, and a vanilla milkshake, and I'm laughing and jumping up and down so much I'm afraid I'll disturb the scene that's still going on.  I'm pulling off my gloves as fast as I can because those are fries and they need to be in my mouth as fast as possible and I can see the costume staff inwardly cringing so I take the tray back to my dressing room, tell Rob that I will kiss his face soundly once I've got all this makeup off, and then the dressers take turns photographing the Queen, stuffing her face with a burger.  

Back story: last Saturday, when the performance was going really well, I came off after the 2nd aria and there was Rob and Roddy, just hanging about and listening until their next entrance and I said to them, "you know, I just get so hungry singing this role but I don't dare eat a thing until after the 2nd aria is over.  I could so eat a big dirty burger or fish and chips or something."  They found this hilarious, and Rob said that one night, he wouldn't say when, he would appear with a burger for me after that second aria.  I thought he was totally kidding, and we had a good laugh about it, so for him to appear with a burger when I'm coming down from that second aria high was just about the best feeling ever.  All of my self-criticism about my singing vanished, all of my worries about the sniffles vanished, and I could only think about how hilarious this was, and how wonderful my castmates are to do such silly and thoughtful things.  And also, I began to plot exactly how I will surprise him next time......must plan must plan.....

The show ended, the audience was marvelously responsive (though I'm sure that most of the shouting for me was from my small entourage that came to visit) and then I was getting changed as quickly as possible to get out there when the conductor stuck his head through my door.  He said it was an amazing night for me, and that I had hit the nail right on the head.  
It still makes the hairs on my arms stand up to think about him saying that, to think of the audience roaring, and how happy this whole process makes me.  Later, after drinks with my friends, we were talking about how hard it can be to find something new in Flute, to make the orchestra play with the kind of enthusiasm that comes when a piece is fresh and straight off the page.  But really, for me, this has been about finding new ways to express myself through the work - new ways to let myself off the leash without completely letting go of the reins, how to play the scene fast and hard without singing fast and hard, and also how to temper what other people say with what I know happened on the stage.  

I know that I'm still smarting from the critics.  I know I am.  It hurts to have your name printed up with such awful adjectives and mean-spirited opinions.  It's horrible.  And it makes you question everything you do and how you do it and whether or not it's even worth it to go on with the next performance.  Because this is an extension of ourselves, of our deepest and innermost desires, and we're about to dress it up and put it onstage for others to see, and hopefully to enjoy.  It's their right to say that I'm too young or that they don't like my singing.  They are entitled to create a blog that's all about their criticism of arts events and post what they think, just as I'm entitled to say what I think here on my blog.  But I should not let any of those people into that spot in my heart, the spot that still swells from hearing the overture and skips a beat when the walls part, the part that gets hurt when I think someone doesn't respect my work.  Because that spot is still mine, most cherished, and I should protect it and nurture it.  Because I love my job, and I want to continue to love it.  

So while they're all entitled to their opinion, I will kindly ask them to piss off, please.  My friends are waiting out there, and they're waiting to watch me kill.  Which I did.