When I was about eleven, my mom took me to the orthodontist to see if I needed braces. I have an overbite and my teeth were a little spaced apart. I managed to escape without any kind of hardware fastened to my chompers and they turned out okay. However, on my last visit to the dentist, after telling me that I didn't have any cavities (hurrah!) he told me that my TMJ was clicking. This is not the first time a dentist has told me that my TMJ goes 'click.' It started when I began my doctorate, back in 2004, and I anticipate that it will cease when I finish my doctorate, sometime in 2009. Then he asks me questions like "Do you grind your teeth at night? Are you under serious amounts of stress?"
Are you kidding? I'm trying to be an opera singer and get my DMA at the same time. I'm borderline certifiable!
So then he suggests that I get fitted for a bite guard. Excuse me? A what? I have visions of Joan Cusack in Sixteen Candles with the headgear and the sweatshirt with the applique and the scrunchies in her hair. All of the horror of my adolescence (which was pretty horrific even without braces) comes rushing back and I'm very nervous until I go to pick up said bite guard this morning. And the lady pulls this very innocuous clear plastic thingie that's shaped like my upper jaw and fits it onto my teeth and says "here you go. Wear it at night and your jaw won't hurt anymore."
That's it? No giant contraption that will prevent me from drinking normally from water fountains?
And by the way, I purchased a pullover for running. It has a little pocket on the sleeve for my mp3 player (or pepper spray, as my husband says) and what I thought were very interestingly shaped sleeves. No, they are not just sleeves, they have little fold-over mittens at the end for when your hands get cold. Similar to the same little mittens that my niece has on her sleepshirt that keep her from scratching her face with her baby fingernails.
I have officially regressed into childhood. My hoodie has mittens and I'm wearing a bite guard. If only this life came with footie pyjamas.
