I'm so tired

Listening to the Beatles sing this song, which seems to be evolving into my personal anthem.  It's been two weeks since graduation, 33 hours since my parents' plane departed Logan airport, twelve years since I finished high school, and I don't feel any closer to clarity at this particular moment than I did those twelve years, 33 hours, or two weeks ago.  I've been multi-tasking the business of being a student and a singer for the last two years in a hard-core way.  Before that, I was multi-tasking student with church musician, music director, accompanist, take your pick.  

And now, I'm not multi-tasking shit.  I'm trying to put together recordings and coachings and language sessions and if I don't find something else to do I'm going to lose my mind.  People who talk about how much free time you're going to have when you're done with school and how you will just rejoice with that free time - those people are fucking crazy.  Bat shit crazy.  They have never met me, and they have never seen me when I don't have enough to do.  This is me, with not enough to do.  I'm sitting around, listening to the Beatles and editing my latest recording and wishing against wish that I had some kind of structure around which I could build my day.  A class.  A meeting.  An appointment.  Something.  My gym doesn't have morning classes (other than the over-55 water aerobics class) so that's not an option.  I teach all of my students on Sunday afternoons, I've never been SO BORED in all my life.  

About this point, some busybody tells me how I need to embrace the quiet times.  I need to take yoga or learn to meditate.  Some people meditate.  I'm not one of those people.  And as soon as this pinch in my back is fully gone, I know I'll be able to get back on the running train and my head will be clearer, my body happier, my stomach less full of knots.  The extra energy that's being channelled into fretting is NOT HEALTHY.  And it saps my energy entirely, so that not only do I not have anything to do, my general malaise is so overwhelming that I don't even do the things I want to do.  Instead, I'm stuck in front of Garageband, listening to the three edits of my recitative, because that's what needs to get done, and I don't go to the gym and I don't enjoy the sunshine and I generally want to pull the heads off of flowers and scowl.

Sigh.

It's going to get better.  Tomorrow.  I hope.