In my experience...
I think...
If you'd like to hear my point of view...
These phrases usually signify the start of someone trumpeting their worldview, whether anyone wishes to hear it or not. And I'm about to do the same.
Miss Jean has always said, "If you don't have anything nice to say, keep it to yourself." [not to be confused with Clairee's epic line from Steel Magnolias, "If you can't say anything nice about anybody, come sit by me!"]
This goes double for unsolicited performance criticism. There are plenty of people who are paid to print their opinions of my singing, and I am well within my rights to read/not read and/or ignore what they have to say. But when we're talking person-to-person, there is this gross misconception that anyone who heard or attended a performance has the right to tell that performer just how they did.
But what about the kind of criticism/feedback we seek?
My friend Jamie has a group of people whom she has deemed "the Jamie board of directors." It includes her teacher, her agent, and a few coaches and conductors she trusts. These are people who have her best interests at heart and will always give it to her straight. If you don't have a list of people like this, you better start one. Every time you go to a master class, someone will give you their opinion. Every time you go to a lesson, someone will give you their opinion. Every time you go to the grocery store, someone will give you their opinion. Everyone's got one, all of them come from that person's worldview, some may be helpful to you, but some may not be. I used to think it was necessary for me to take in everyone's criticism and try to assimilate what they had said. As a newcomer to the singing world, I figured everyone had more experience than I did. A stage director told me that I could add some more brightness around my face by getting highlights, I went to the salon the next day. An important competition judge told me I needed to dress my curves with a long-sleeved wrap dress because my arms were SO LONG, I went in search of the elusive perfect dress. My agent told me I needed to stop dressing like a Sunday-school teacher, I went to Lord & Taylor and found a purple halter top dress that showed off just about everything God gave me. But after the umpteenth hair color and audition dress (and new aria, and different makeup), it started to sink in.
Everyone has an opinion. But not everyone's opinion is worth considering. I was in a coaching with my favorite coach (straight-talker, never sugar-coats her thoughts, always constructive) and we were working through this aria and I was really REALLY struggling. And she says to me, "Emily, why are you singing this aria? It doesn't really strike me as 'you.'" And I said something about how the recital organizer had suggested it and she had said it seemed like something I should sing, and Lynn says to me, "yeah, okay. But no one wants to see you stand up there and struggle."
OMG. I feel the earth move under my feet. And not in a Carole King way.
You mean I don't have to get up and sing something that doesn't really feel right, just because someone else said I should? You mean I can set my own boundaries about what I sing and when? You mean my own opinion matters too?
Enter the board of directors. These are people who will give it to you straight. Your teacher, a good coach, a conductor or director you trust. People whose personal agenda never enters into the mix when considering your situation. You need these people in your life. As a young singer (and even as a not-so-young singer) there will be opinions flying at you left and right, and you need people to help your feet firmly planted on the ground. People who will say things like, "Okay, maybe in 5 years you can sing that role. But for now, you should try xxx that shows the same thing." People who will say to you, "I don't care if so-and-so is the head of such-and-such, you will clothesline yourself if you try to sing the rep they suggested. Pleasing someone in a position of power is not worth wrecking your voice." People who will stand up for you and help you stand up for yourself.
I haven't colored my hair for more than a few years now. The maintenance was such a huge pain and cost a lot of money. I stopped searching for the perfect audition dress. Know what my perfect audition dress is? A black long-sleeved faux-wrap matte jersey dress that hits just below my knees. Guess where I got it. From a lovely patron (my adopted Jewish grandmother on the upper east side) who said, "You wanna try this on? It's too big on me," and it fit perfectly. I put it with some sassy bronze shoes and my red glass beads my little sister brought me from Venice and I tell you what - I have gotten more work in my basic black never wrinkles no matter how much I shove it into a suitcase/backpack dress than in any of those other get-ups. I wear less makeup (but better makeup), I don't spend an hour rolling my hair. I don't spend nearly as much emotional capital on my appearance as I do on my musicianship. And somehow I know that when they hire me, they're really hiring ME. They're not hiring some tricked out kewpie doll version of me who only appears during audition season. They're hiring the me that came through the door and will come through the door on the first day of rehearsal.
And that's a really good feeling.
As that crazy genius Oscar Wilde said, "Be yourself; everyone else is already taken."
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