This blog was brought to you by the number 3 and the word 'umbrella'

um·brel·la /ʌmˈbrɛlə/

–noun

1. a light, small, portable, usually circular cover for protection from rain or sun, consisting of a fabric held on a collapsible frame of thin ribs radiating from the top of a carrying stick or handle.

So I'm flipping channels and, distracted, I end up on MTV. There's this new song by Rihanna called "Umbrella." Now let's consult the phonetics above (handily supplied by Dictionary.com) and see how many syllables this word has. I will wait......

That's right, there are three!

Now most of the time I pay no attention to what's playing on MTV (unless it's Fergie in which case I laugh my ass off) but when I heard this song I had to double-check just to make sure I wasn't hallucinating. Let's have a little sample from the chorus:

When the sun shines

We’ll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever

That I'll always be your friend

Took an oath Imma stick it out 'till the end

Now that it's raining more than ever

Know that we still have each other

You can stand under my Umbrella

(I cut and pasted these lyrics from a site I googled so please don't bust my chops for not running it through spell-check)

If the visual isn't enough then go listen - somehow, Rihanna transforms this perfectly innocuous three-syllable word into a FOUR-syllable word. I will transcribe into phonetics for your entertainment:

/ʌmˈbərɛlə/

There are things that get under my skin. Students who misuse "your" and "you're," instant mashed potatoes instead of real ones, when my father-in-law asks me to get him some iced tea and after I've boiled the water and found the tea bags he tells me that he meant the bottle of Nestea sitting on the countertop. But I'm sorry, this is ridiculous. I feel my IQ sinking simply because I've taken the time to blog about my outrage. Maybe it's because I'm a singer and I spend a great deal of my time learning to pronounce words in foreign languages. Among singers, the ability to sing in a foreign language without your native accent showing through is a prized skill - especially when you're American and attempting to get work in Europe. We spend a great deal of time listening to native speakers and trying to emulate the cleanliness of their speech patterns. If someone was attempting to learn English by listening to pop music, they would not only fail their conversation proficiency, they would forever misspell the word 'umbrella.'

And that, dear readers, is a shameful commentary.